2012.....A New Beginning.

     Well... It's January 1st 2012. I am out of shape, tired, and depressed. I am trying to get back to running. I ran for the first time the other day since October.

     Ever since June 25th 2011, my life has been turned upside down and shredded apart. Losing my son Cullen was horrific. At the same time I was supposed to be rejoicing Grady. The conflicting emotions and trying to make everything look ok to a 6 year old and 2 year old just stacked on top of this mountainous pressure. The stress and sadness has caused me to lose myself. It has been improper eating and lack of sleep for months that has added back poundage to my waist line and subtracted from my life.

     I am turning over a new leaf. I am starting fresh. I have to get myself back. I will conquer this. I will prevail. I will win for my wife, kids, and self preservation. I love my wife and children with all my heart and hurting myself also hurts them. If you see me slacking or losing self control yank my leash hard.

     Thank you for your support and prayers over these last few months. We needed them.

Vernon Powell 5K

10/1/11: What a fun day. We started with soccer at the YMCA. Georgia spent 42 minutes of crying
and 5 minutes of actually paying soccer.

Big G at Pee Wee soccer.

After soccer we went to Holly Grove for Stella's school's fall festival where big G got our moneys worth of bounce house and obstacle course time. She also got to ride a horse and both girls got their hair painted.  It was a lot of fun.

The Horse G wanted to call Jacques. 

Purplish hair

After the fall festival we came home where there was a quick turn around and we were off again.  This time we went to Vernon Powell shoe store where I ran there annual 5K.  A fun run through sand, mud, and side streets finished with free beer and food at the finish line.  I ran well and actually finished better than at the Hidden Treasures 5K.  I really enjoyed having my family at the finish line.  It was a really great day!

Vernon Powell 5K course

After the run with my beautiful little athlete.

Trekking along!

I started off my morning with a nice cool run and it felt good. I am still a little sore but it felt exhilarating. I enjoyed my quite and peaceful renewal. My spiritual cleansing. Until a stupid skunk ran out in front of me. We both scared the daylights out of each other. I am truly happy I didn't scare something else out of him as he ran away and I was back pedaling.

I have just finished reading Ultra-marathon Man by Dean Karnazes. A truly inspirational and uplifting book. I have a renewed sense of life after reading this book. It really brought clarity to my running and the joy I take away from it.

I have another 5K this weekend at Vernon Powell. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I know it's not a race but I want to do well. Here's to a good run. It all goes down after a morning of Peewee soccer at the YMCA and then the fall festival at my oldest daughters school.

Hidden Treasure 5K 2011!

Well, I ran the Hidden Treasures 5K for the 2nd year now. I did ok. After being off for 3 weeks I was able to pull off a 31.28.4 minute 5K. The weather was overcast and humid which also made the course tougher this year. It was cool this year as I got to see people I knew and run with a friend. I finished 4th in my age group again. I am pleased. I am doing another 5K next weekend at Vernon Powells after we go to Stella's fall festival at school. I may also sign up for a Halloween run at PRMC. We'll see about that. I want to be better prepared this time. I had fun seeing my wife, children, and friends at the finish line. My parents also drove down from New Jersey to watch. Now that it's all said and done boy am I tired.

Awesome run!

Well I got to run yesterday morning and had an awesome pace. I'm probably going to miss todays run and i'll do a 2 miler tomorrow before heading to Annapolis. I have to run because I think this hurricane is going to screw up this weekends training. I may just be able to at least match last years run.

9/9/11
Well I'm going to be a glutton for punishment and do my 3 mile run tomorrow morning and 40 minute long run Sunday...weather pending.

Getting back up!

Well I have been back running for about 3 weeks now. I had a great run this morning. Every time I jog I have the chance to clear my mind completely and rejuvenate myself. It has been very difficult since the loss of Cullen. I had a run a couple of weeks ago where I found myself unable to stop thinking about him as I ran with tears streaming down my face. I just want to run until it doesn't hurt anymore, but that will never happen. I am training for the Hidden Treasures 5K on September 25th. This will be my 2nd time running it and I am hoping I am able to beat last years time, but more importantly, I look forward to my family waiting for me at the finish line. I am also looking forward to my next weigh in since I have gained about 20 lbs in the last few months and I need to get it back off. Thats it for now. Tomorrow is a new day and another run, but it's an easy 25-35 minutes.

:(

Well, I am not doing Warrior Dash. It really sucks being so far from family. I hate it. I was looking forward to this for months. 70 bucks down the drain I don't even get my shirt or helmet that was paid for. What a disappointment. I have't been this down in a very long time. I am not doing things right and I feel like I am losing everything. My hobby is disappearing and I am becoming a mean person. My anger is coming back. It scares me because Allison and the girls have never seen my real temper. I don't know what to do or who I am any more. All I do know is that they don't deserve the nasty bitterness that I exhibit lately. These two babies that are coming are scaring me and making me happy all at once. I am stressed out. I also get to start day shift at work June 1st, but I have a feeling it won't last long because if somebody else leaves I'll be right back to midnights. FML. I don't know anything any more. I have nobody to talk to and nowhere to go. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? WHy can't I be the husband and father these people deserve? I don't know. Ugh. I hate myself for what I am becoming.